30- Overcoming Fear of Labor
Transcript:
This is episode 29.
I opened a message from a friend recently and read, “So, how do you overcome the fear of labor?” Well, I thought, that’s an easy one! Actually it was not a question I could answer in a quick message back. So, I prayed and responded suggesting that we talk soon. Life was pretty busy around that time so before my friend and I got to talk, I sent another message asking her to think through and write down what were her specific fears concerning labor. She shared that list with me and we talked a few days later.
I don’t think she’s alone in the fears she’s experiencing so I’d like to share with you some of the things we talked about…
Let me first suggest that if you are feeling fear, worry or anxiety when it comes to your own upcoming labor, that you also take some time to very honestly write down your fears and concerns and talk through them with your spouse or a trusted friend.
I’ll list some that my friend and I discussed as well as others that I’ve heard from other mamas…
The unknown, potential complications, the possibility of surgery, trusting the health care providers, will my body function properly after the fact, the pain, that I won’t be able to handle it, being exposed & vulnerable, losing control, knowing how to take care of the baby, being a mom, what if I get postpartum depression… the list could go on.
When my friend shared her list of fears with me, she also shared some of the struggle or tension between knowing truth and feeling fear. Let me share her words,
“But God has designed our bodies for this. Yes because of sin our bodies fail to function as intended but God is a miracle worker and my only assurance right now, he has made women to be able to do this. But what if my body isn't strong enough.
As I write this I know my two root sins of control and comfort are feeding my fear. I want to know what's going to happen now and not have to wait. And comfort, I want it to be painless not difficult.
God is calling me to trust him. Trust that he will provide. Accept that through pain comes life and it's beautiful... through pain and suffering I have experienced new life in Christ. I need to let God do a work in me and trust that he will be in the laboring with me.”
I love that my friend was able to be really honest about her fears and acknowledge the place of tension between some very real fears and the knowledge of God’s goodness, articulating her struggle to trust God. There are no pat answers here to my friend’s question of how to overcome fear of labor. It’s not a matter of just pray more and trust God. Though, that’s certainly a part of it. There is also a choosing to believe that God is who He says he is and getting to know him better through his word …
Before we talked, I gave her one more task. I encouraged her to spend some time each day reading and meditating on Philippians 4:4-9. And I asked her to think about what stands out to her in those verses and Why? I also asked the questions What are you being called to do in these verses? And how can you put that into practice?
It turned out to be a good thing that I wasn’t able to talk with her right away. The time she spent in God’s word on her own was rich and beneficial. I was encouraged listening to her share when we did finally have that conversation a few days later.
With that in mind, you might want to do the same thing and spend some time in God’s word on your own before you finish this podcast. Either way, I’ve prepared a printable, if you’d like it to help walk you through the exercise I just mentioned. You can find a link to it in the show notes.
Now, let’s dig into these verses together…
Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
What things stood out to you as I read those verses just now or as you have studied them on your own?
The first thing I see is “Rejoice.” When we’re uncomfortable, which is often the case in late pregnancy, it’s a whole lot easier to grumble than rejoice. And if you add fear, worry or anxiety on top of that, joy can become a rare commodity. But Paul says here, “rejoice in the Lord always” and he even repeats it, emphasizing the importance. Always would include the time during pregnancy, when you’re feeling big, uncomfortable, and scared. Then he seems to indicate that this is a reasonable thing to ask. My first reaction might have been, “Are you kidding me? Rejoice? When I feel like this?” Never the less, Paul calls it reasonable to rejoice always and goes on to tell us why…
“The Lord is at hand.” God is near! This is good news and definitely something to be joyful about. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to verse 6 of this passage and started reading, “Don’t be anxious about anything.” I just skipped right over that little phrase, the Lord is at hand and it’s so important.
As I’m recording this podcast, it’s December and Christmas is fast approaching. I love this time of year when we’re reminded, if we’ll take the time in the middle of the hustle and bustle,- we’re reminded of the fact that Jesus was born as a baby. God came to earth in the form of a baby, Jesus, the God-man, Emmanuel, God with us. God came near. That same baby grew into a man. He faced the same kinds of temptations that we all face and yet he never gave in. He never sinned. He didn’t deserve the death he faced on the cross, but he took it anyway in the place of everyone who ever had or ever would believe in Him so that we could be reconciled to God. He died for you and me. But Jesus didn’t stay dead. He conquered death and came back to life so that we, too, those of us who believe in Him, could have life forever with him. When he left earth after rising from the dead, he ascended to heaven to be with God the Father and he sent God, the Holy Spirit to dwell within His people. “The Lord is at hand.” We are not left alone to tackle our fears, or to do any other task he might give us to do. He has sent the Holy Spirit, the third person of the trinity, God himself, to live in us. This is truly something to rejoice about! The Lord is at hand.
Now, in light of that amazing truth, we can move on to read verse 6, “Don’t be anxious about anything.” Because the Lord is at hand, “don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” This makes all the difference in the world! God is near. He’s not distant. He’s close at hand, God with us, so I can bring my requests to him and trust Him to act. That doesn’t mean he’ll always act the way we want him to. Like Mr. Tumnus says of Aslan in CS Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, “He’s not a tame Lion.” But, as Mr. Beaver tells Lucy, “He’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.” God is sovereign, wise, and good. We can trust him, even when we don’t understand what he’s up to. I think that’s what the next verse may be saying, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” The peace that comes from knowing God and trusting Him, is beyond our understanding. This peace comes when we choose to let go of our anxiety and fear, knowing that our good God is near, and we turn to him for help and hope.
But Paul, the author of these verses recognizes that it’s not easy to let go of our fears and anxieties, even having been reminded of who God is and his nearness. Sometimes we struggle with prayer and thanksgiving. We know it shouldn’t be hard but sometimes it just is. Often, that happens because we’re not thinking rightly. So Paul points his readers towards intentionality. In verse 8, he says,
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Paul says to intentionally think about things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise. This is one part of the passage that particularly stuck out to my friend. And she took the time to really meditate on bible stories and passages in light of how they fit those descriptors. All of those words also describe God’s character. If you think about it, you can probably identify times in your own life when God, maybe through one of his people, has acted in ways that are honorable, just, commendable, or so on. One thing my friend noticed as she spent time thinking about these things is that she felt more at peace and less fearful – just like Paul said.
The fear wasn’t gone when we talked. And it’s probably not gone today but it was less and God’s peace was more. This isn’t a one and done practice. It needs to be ongoing. A daily, maybe even hourly choosing to think about who God is, his nearness, and his love for you.
It might be helpful to take that list of fears that you made at the beginning and work your way through each one. Sometimes there are tangible things you can do to counter the fear. For example, one of my friend’s fears of labor has to do with the pain. We talked about how labor pain is different. I taught her an acronym to help her remember that labor pain is Purposeful, Anticipated, Intermittent, and Normal to help her reframe the way she views it. And we talked about practical ways to cope with pain during labor. She’ll be learning more about that in my childbirth classes which she’s currently taking, along with information to help her make informed decisions about whether or not she wants to use pain meds or an epidural.
A childbirth class can also be helpful to alleviate some of the fears of the unknown. However, it’s not enough just to get more information or learn some coping techniques. These are good but we know in a fallen world, that things can go wrong. If we place our hope in anything other than God, we’re going to be disappointed. Only God is sovereign, wise, and good. And his nearness can bring us peace as we learn to let go of the fear and anxiety and trust in his character.
Mary, the mother of Jesus, knew this. It must have felt like her life was turning upside down. Things were definitely not going as planned. Yet, when she went to visit her older relative Elizabeth who was also expecting a baby, she sang a song that’s recorded for us in the first chapter of Luke’s gospel. It starts off with her rejoicing in God! “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” Then she spends most of the song describing who God is. In many ways it’s an example of her thinking on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise. I’ll let you go read it: Luke 1 verses 46-55.
Before we end today, I want to go back to the last verse in the Philippians passage – verse 9: “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
This relates to the last two questions I asked my friend to think about and I put on the printable for you:
What are you being called to do in these verses? And how can you put that into practice?
Don’t just read it or listen and then move on. Allow God’s word to guide what you do and how you think. The Lord is at hand, actually living inside of you, if you’re a Christian. Rejoice! Acknowledge your fears. Take them to the Lord in prayer. Remember who he is, the God of the Universe who cares enough for you to come near, Emmanuel, God with us. Think on those truths and allow the peace that passes understanding to settle your heart.
If you’d like some help overcoming your fears of labor, I encourage you to reach out. I have a class that will teach you about how God designed a woman’s body to birth a baby, how to work with and not against your body to minimize pain & how to make informed decisions along the way. There are 20 self-paced lessons for you and your husband to work through together along with some live interactive workshop opportunities. Depending on where you live, those will be in-person or virtual in an online community platform. I also provide 20 short devotions to help you prepare your heart and continue to minimize your fear and anxiety. Shoot me an email at preparingforchildbirth@gmail.comif you’d like more info.
Show notes:
In this episode, we’ll take a look at Philippians 4:4-9 and talk about overcoming fear of labor.
Resources:
Printable guide to walk through Philippians 4:4-9
Connect with me:
Instagram Facebook Website Virtual Coaching
Created with © systeme.io